I hate changes

Well not really because I hate routine. I just hate some of the changes goin on right now. My best friend since 7th grade is moving clear across the country and my other best friend left this past July (but she’s coming back for Christmas thank God). I somewhat lost my management position and that makes me furious but more so at the ex and not the company because I understanding their reasoning. Everything I did not want to become, I have and it seriously makes me want to crawl into bed and not move for 3 days. All because of his stupid action, why do I have to be punished for his mistake? I think the only thing that keeps me going everyday is the thought that I refuse to become like my parents, so I trudge on by going to work and school. I will one day be out of all this debt, I will have a degree and be very successful, more so than my family. I hate how I’ve done everything correctly, in the right order like one is supposed to YET I’m the one constantly getting screwed. Got married before getting pregnant and what does it get me? 60k in medical bills and a divorce. Going to school, first person in 3 generations if not more, and I get a pat on the back if that, why? Because it’s expected, “You shouldn’t have to be rewarded for something you’re supposed to do.” That’s what I was always told when I was younger when I felt I should be rewarded somewhat for busting my arse for straight A’s. Maybe that’s why school is harder now, I feel that passing is good enough. Ugh!

Ok so I meant to talk about how I’m going miss my best friend and niece terribly and ended up on a tangent that I dont know how I got there. Maybe it was some subconcious thinking that needed to be let out. Oh well, I do feel a little bit better. Still amazingly depressed that Amber is leaving but hopefully I’ll see her during the summer. Geez I miss her already. Ok enough of the sappy shit. I gotta get ready for lunch with her.


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